Little Red and the Big Bad Coyote

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived north of the Georgia/South Carolina line on 33 Furys Ferry Road. Every winter she wore a bright red jacket that was sewn by her grandmother which led to the locals giving her the nickname Little Red.

One cold winter morning, Little Red asked her mother if she could go visit her grandmother despite it being 35 degrees outside. She had not seen her grandmother since her last birthday.

“That’s a good idea,” her mother said. So they packed a nice basket for Little Red to take to her grandmother which included 3 jars of peach jelly.

When the basket was ready, the little girl put on her bright red jacket, buttoned 4 of the buttons on her jacket, and kissed her mother goodbye.

“Remember, go straight to Grandma’s house,” her mother said as she buttoned the remaining 2 buttons on Little Red’s jacket. “Don’t stop to find geocaches and please don’t talk to strangers.”

“Don’t worry, mommy,” said Little Red, “I’ll be careful.” Then she began her journey west, but quickly discovered she was going the wrong way and changed course.

Along the way, Little Red noticed that she had 8 solved puzzles nearby which were part of the Perplexing Puzzle Series. “Let me find ‘ABC Craziness’,” she said, forgetting her promise to her mother. After signing the log, she watched the squirrels scamper about as she looked for other nearby caches to find.

Little Red was enjoying this winter day at Sumter National Forest so much that she did not realize that 2 hours had passed by. Nor did she notice that a local resident of the forest was approaching her from behind.

Suddenly, the coyote appeared 0 yards beside her.

“What are you doing nearly 4 miles away from civilization, little girl?” the coyote asked in a voice as friendly as he could muster.

“I’m on my way to see my Grandma who lives by the forest about .1 miles from the Savannah River,” Little Red replied.

Then she realized how late she was and quickly excused herself. Ignoring the signs, she bushwhacked her way for .7 miles to Grandma’s house.

However, the coyote who was quite familiar with this forest, knew he could save 2 minutes by taking a path with less briars.

The coyote, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Grandma’s trailer and knocked lightly at the door. He knew he had to act quickly because Little Red was not far north.

“Oh, thank goodness dear! I haven’t seen you in 3 months! Come in, come in! I am so happy to see you,” said Grandma thinking that the knock was her granddaughter.

The coyote let himself in. Poor Granny did not have time to say another word, before the coyote gobbled her up in 3 seconds!

The coyote let out a satisfied burp which lasted 3 seconds. Then he poked through Granny’s wardrobe to find a nightgown. He added a frilly sleeping cap, and for good measure, dabbed some of Granny’s perfume behind his pointy ears.

About 5 minutes later, Little Red knocked on the door. The coyote jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose. “Who is it?” he called in a cackling voice.

“It’s me, Little Red,” she responded about 5 seconds later.

“Oh, how lovely! I haven’t seen you in 3 months! Do come in, my dear,” croaked the coyote.

When Little Red entered the trailer, she could not scarcely recognize her grandmother. After staring for 2 minutes something didn’t seem right.

“Grandmother! Your voice sounds so odd. Have you been around folks from the West?” she asked.

Knowing that he had less than 8 seconds to respond, the coyote replied “oh, I just have a cold.” He then added a cough to prove the point.

“But Grandmother! What big ears you have! They are at least 2 handbreadths long!” she said as she edged closer to the bed.

Knowing that he had 0 minutes to respond, he replied “the better to hear you with, my dear.”

“But Grandmother! What big eyes you have! They are at least 5 centimeters wide!” said Little Red.

“The better to see you with, my dear. Especially when you stand 7 yards away!” replied the coyote.

“But Grandmother! What big teeth you have! They could easily be 3 inches long!” said Little Red with her voice quivering slightly.

“The better to eat you with, my dear,” roared the coyote as he leapt 6 yards out of the bed to chase the little girl.

Almost too late, Little Red realized that the person in the bed was not her grandmother, but a hungry coyote.

She ran across the room and through the door, shouting, “help! Coyote!” as loud as she could.

The neighbor who was an avid coyote hunter heard her cry as he was mowing the lawn and ran towards the trailer as fast as he could.

He grabbed the coyote and made him spit out the poor grandmother who was a bit frazzled by the experience, but still in one piece. “Oh Grandma, I was so scared!” sobbed Little Red. “I’ll never speak to strangers or go geocaching alone again!” she said.

“There, there, child. You’ve learned an important lesson. Thank goodness you shouted loud enough for this kind neighbor to hear you!”

Little Red thanked the neighbor for his help. “No problem, little lady. This one’s a biggun. Oughta bring a good price!”

The neighbor knocked the coyote out with the grandmother’s iron skillet and dragged him outside. Not too long after, the sound of a gunshot rang in Little Red’s ears.

Little Red and her grandmother had lunch and a long chat.

“Have you ever had 2 sets of coordinates that you had to triangulate?” asked Little Red.

“Yes, but I usually check the source code before taking such drastic measures,” replied Grandma.

“Most puzzles are a piece of cake compared to ‘ABC Craziness,’” said Little Red while pondering on what crazy geocaching adventure she would convince Grandma to take her on. After all, “never go alone!”